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I gotta say after 2 to 3 hours, I was as bored as I would have been at the Pope's installment. Surrounded by a million and a half ultra-devout biblethumpers who don't drink. No one in this crowd will show us their tits.

As I drank in more of the sun and the $6 beer, it dawned on me that while I may be missing the Andy Griffith Show, I seem to be making it far as Mount Pilot. Whether down the drag strip or in the pits, virtually everything was Chevrolet. Remember in Mayberry, Andy Taylor and Barney would be chasing Ernest T. and all you would see were mid-1960 Ford Galaxies, Fairlanes, and Crestlines on the city streets.

Martin, you hapless turd, it's a CHEVY show. I know, but unless I miss my guess completely I don't really think that all the people here really gave an armadillo's snout. They liked Chevrolets for sure, but if someone showed with a Ford, there wouldn't be an armed uprising. Randy Fabbro, one of Division 7's best ET and Super Gas racers, showed with his Ford Pinto and no one could care less.

And that's an important point with me, because the action (and I use that term very loosely) on the track was in general abysmal. The bill-boarded Mickey Thompson Pro Nitro Coupe show involved just nine cars, three of which (at least in qualifying) ran sixes and that was it. There were a few fun oddities like this one guy's blown and injected Chevy-powered Nash Metropolitan, but other than that, it was a weak bracket show with maybe 150 to 175 entries, all one brand, and not strong enough in number to prevent 3 and 5-minute lapses where there were no cars on the track. That's not action.

What is action is nodding off to sleep on the lap of the wife of a couple seated next to you in the grandstands, and foggily facing a husband primed and ired on $6 Coors Lights. No, the Super Chevy folks have got to pick it up on the track. When the drags become a drag, it's time to break out the syringes.

And here's my idea for a hypo for the show. Keep the all-Chevy car show idea. Maybe a best engineered Chevrolet race car. Keep the merchandise Chevrolet dominant. Have a Miss Chevrolet out the air, and for all the Rock Hudsons, a Mr. Chevrolet. Sell beer in Bowtie cups (and at a great price reduction), keep the theme Chevy overall ... but ...

…the drag race has got to be all comers. How about Super Chevy challenges any Mopar anywhere and invites just Mopar racers. Maybe Ford racers the next week, and then Kia or Rolls Royce racers the next. Or ... how about a really big bracket race to complement the nitro coupes, of which there should be more? From what I saw 99 and 44/100ths of the field consisted of Chevrolets and econo dragsters. That's like having a bar hold a Toughman contest for mathematicians only.

In principle, the idea of a brand-promoting drag race is a good one. However, Super Chevy needs to open some doors at the race track. Especially if they want more than 3 - to 5,000 fans they had in the stands. The on-track show, hate to say this 'cuz I know a lot of Chevy people, was yawn-yawn-snore-snore.

Upon leaving the track and headed down Interstate 210, I wasn't thinking about the races, but more if Bobby Simone was ever going to hang with Andy Sipowicz again. Bad vibes, dude.

Editor's Note: Martin was obviously a victim of too much sun, beer and angst to realize that this year Mr. Gustin opened up the show to all G.M. brands.


The Martin Chronicles [4-8-05]


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