2/8/2007
THE NEXT NATS?
It happened some time ago, about the dawn of creation. It was packed away deep within one of man's more obscure genes -- a couple molecules of DNA that would irrevocably change the course of mankind. But this seemingly innocent speck of chemistry, virtually invisible within the vast protoplasmic mix of man, was a time bomb set to go off thousands of years in the future -- the 20th century, to be exact. Its effect has been as profound in shaping man's behavior as his drive for food, sex, and fast cars. It has imprinted him as indelibly as if he'd been rolled over by all 18 wheels of a fully loaded semi shod with snow tires.
It is the unquenchable desire to abuse rental cars.
Artist’s fantasy illustration of a simulated Push-O’-War. Do not attempt to do this with rental cars!
It's true. Rental car abusers are coming out of the closet. Used to be, you'd rent a car, and then sneak off to some large parking lot early in the morning when no one would see you. There, in the privacy of vast emptiness, you would taste forbidden fruit by attempting maneuvers such as the "bootleg U-turn," or "e-brake J-turn," as it’s sometimes called. You would sample the delights of spinning endless donuts— especially on a sandy or loose gravel surface. Maybe it was just the sheer ecstasy of floor-boarding the slug up to respectable speed and then twisting the wheel and smashing on the parking brake for a
merry-go-round ride across the parking lot. Or maybe you realized that secret desire of finding out what happened if you slammed the auto trans into Reverse while going forward at 15 MPH (these are the types of guys that also wonder what would happen if they toss a raw egg into an electric fan).
Perhaps it was just the joy of inhaling the intoxicating fumes of vaporized rubber as you fried the tires down to the cords
Of course, you'd never dream of doing stuff like this with your own car, like, what if you broke something!
Make no mistake. We're not advocating that you engage in such antics. It’s simply an observation of the times. It’s like the evening news reporting on a guy who blows away everyone at his office because he didn’t get the “respect” he thought he deserved. The news isn’t advocating or endorsing mass murder. We think just giving everyone a light tap upside the head with a tire iron is sufficient, and it saves a ton in bullets.
